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Reflections on Climbing

Tucked in my journal, written on December 24, 2022:

My time back in Sacramento this winter has allowed me to revisit myself.

Frequent December hours climbing at Sacramento Pipeworks has seemed to soothe any anxiety caused from my sudden change of pace in my life. Coming from school and reentering my old home life, I’ve gained this newfound perspective of myself, seeing more clearly what truly makes me me.

Days getting lost in books, making weird art collages, curating my style and adding to my vintage clothing collection. These are all parts of my everyday, if I can have it my way. But what feels like this final puzzle piece, the part that makes me whole, is and always has been: climbing.

I’ve always questioned what truly made me fall in love with climbing, all those years ago. I’m aware that most every child is enthralled by any climbable structure, getting lost in that exciting sense of exploration and freedom. Whenever I think back to the day I was introduced to climbing, on a random kindergarten field trip, I grasp at the few memories I have— many that I believe are really just recollections of blurry photographs my mother snapped as I scaled up the walls at our local climbing gym. Stories of that day told to me in remembrance detail this obvious allure that had me instantly hooked on climbing. As my classmates got a few moves up the wall and pleaded incessantly to be lowered to the ground, I only climbed higher and higher.

The walls towered over my small body, yet all I thought about doing was reaching the top.

I think my deep interest was apparent to my teacher, who had been a psyched climber for years. What followed were weekly trips to the climbing gym, getting driven by my mother and belayed by my teacher. Soon, my delicate little hands were covered with calluses, my clothes swathed in thick layers of white chalk.

I’ve always believed there must have been more to it than just some innocent curiosity, and as I climbed through my years of childhood, I’ve been met with the answer.

A delicate dance where the wall is my partner.

A route, a place of solace to drop into.

A deep presence, as the only moment in time that matters on the wall is now.

A slow, quiet mind.

A body that, from years of experience, has technique engrained into its muscle memory and leads me gracefully to the finish hold.

A connection of mind and body, of body and self, that has never been cultivated in any other aspect of my life.

The sport is so personal, so mentally and physically demanding that only when one sinks into the mindset of: “it’s just me and the wall” can one truly excel. Of course there are partners, belayers, friends and coaches. But climbing at its roots, is a deeply spiritual practice, a form of meditation entailing a smooth agreement with the mental and physical worlds of one’s self.

But then again, at age five I wasn’t thinking about all of this.

However becoming one with the wall was felt inside, a combination of being indescribably small and insignificant, and larger than life. The answer has always been there, the love always inside me.

Pipeworks has been my second home ever since the day I first stepped through the doors of the gym and stood in awe, lifting my gaze to the towering walls and steep overhanging routes before me. The spark never dimmed as I climbed through my adolescent years, gaining confidence and familiarity on various recreational teams, training 12+ hours a week and competing around California on the competition team, and then later in college, gravitating to the local crags around San Luis Obispo and connecting with wonderful people who expanded my love and sense of wonder for the sport which has sustained me all my life.

Growing and reflecting, noticing and appreciating, has allowed me to finally put some words to the unparalleled gift that climbing has brought to me. And through the aches and bruises, the blistered hands and broken ankles, the tears and mental battles, it has been through climbing that I have come home to my self, uncovering the gift of being me.

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Reflections on Climbing

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